AGOOEYMESS

I had to take a long break, i couldnt come to this point again. i dont want to whine, and that is all i would have done, or sobbed, or ached.

i hate to admit it but i do find inspiration in pain, but the incredible irony is that i want to hide away from the world, so the inspiration is meaningless because i dont want the audience that would be needed. i dont really want you to know me. but maybe i do. how much more twisted can it get than that? that i am afraid of you, but need you at the same time. i dont want to speak but i'm dying inside to yell at the top of my lungs? how broken am i.

damn, thats not what this is supposed to be about. it's really not, but i suppose i couldnt get away that easily. transition... i dont know how to transition this, i guess i can hope that this just comes off and seems creative..

transition

Love.

I was thinking last week, amid the ruins of so many things, i always go back to love, because it seems like thats where we fall from. So many issue stem from the inability or misunderstanding or even the flat out not caring.

How guilty am i? guilty enough to know that my soul sings at the mere thought of being forgiven.

i wouldnt be good at writing a directions manual. i couldnt do it. i would have people so turned in differet ways the would be sleeping in their sinks and doing their morning business in the washer.

but i am going to try here and now.

How to show love in a practical way

Lesson one

You are not better than anyone

Example one

When a telemarketer calls you up, dont be a duck (yes... duck... quack quack, you as the reader may insert whatever word you like). They have a job to do, just like you do, they no more want to go to work and have people treat them like dog excrement than you do, but somehow, it has become our national pastime in beating them (yes i'm guilty as well, i'm just trying to make the world a better place, and if that means i have to grow in order to do it, so be it). Lets go a step further, how about the overseas telemarketer, you know, the one you can barley understand and who would butcher your last name even if your last name happens to be smith? Think... Dell computer support.. there you go. is there any wonder why the world might think that the citizens of the united states of american are a bunch of ducks (quack quack)? i would not want to take the abuse a telemarketer does, but, i think i would rather spend a lifetime as one, rather than an outsources foreign one. seriously, what if you got up for work every morning (remember, that is the responsible thing to do, that is something to be admired), you take care of your family by doing what you have to do. you know, all day long you will be either misunderstood, put down, made fun of, hung up on, cussed out, and all of this by the worlds wealthiest people.... do you think you might get a chip on your shoulder after the first hour?


i am no good at writing directions, i knew i wouldnt be.

Random, but i like dual titles. its just fun. i think rocky and bullwinkle used to do that. ahhh anyway

i've been thinking on this one for a while, and i guess its finally coming down to getting it out of me.

I am guilty. I'm guilty of a lot of things actually, but one that has been eating at me recently is this... i have embraced humility for a long while. I do find it to be an incredible quality, of that there is no doubt, but if i was honest with myself, i have used humility to cover insecurity and self doubt.

I find myself more and ore fascinated by insecurity. A good friend of mine told me he has noticed it a lot in single family homes and broken homes. coming from a broken home i can say at least from my end, this is true. It's so easy. unfortunately there are after school specials and so many cliches, but its really true... the haunting thought, is it my fault, am i not good enough, if i would have been better they would have loved me, if, if, if, if, if, there is one person to blame but myself, i must not be good enough, cant anyone like me? in a broken home a child doesnt get what it needs to function. i dont like to think i had it bad, because in a lot of ways i didnt, but in some ways i did. i grew up in a neighborhood where there were no kids. parents divorced young, abuse, i never learned social functions, how to make friends, school life was atrocious, i could have been no better hand picked from birth to end up in the cliques i did, careening toward self destruction. i had an appetite for it. after all, with as bad as things were, i'm sure i would have been happy if they were to end sooner.

ey, i knew i'd get long winded. anyway to get more back on track, i have been hiding my self doubt and insecurity inside of humility for a while. i want to be done with it. and i think i will be. or i'm going to work on it.

a good friend of mine once told me that there really is no battle. and i think i just need to embrace that. rather than trying to be good enough (which is really still insecurity, its just striving not to fall on the wrong end of it, its the flip side of the battle), i'm going to forget battle. i'm putting down the weapons and walking away from the war. i'm going to accept the simple fact that things are the way they are. i am a human being. by nature flawed, but i can be no more perfect in this moment than i am right now in this moment. i am going to forget trying to affirm myself and leave that up to my creator. i'm going to walk tall. i'm going to accept who i am. the mess that i am. the person that i am that screws things up and makes mistakes, yet also gets some things right from time to time.

there was a saturday night live skit. i think the guys name was stuart smiley or something close to that. he always looked in the mirror and said, i'm good enough, smart enough, and people like me. or some other such bs. i guess he typifies people like me, who have decided to take another direction to cope with the pain that self doubt brings.

i think look in the mirror is 1/2 of the problem. insecurities and self doubt comes with the shackle of self focus. it's the same with vanity... except vanity a person likes what the see. each are an over focus on ones self. one thinks too well and the other thinks too little. it's funny... i've never heard anyone suggest daily disaffirmations for a vain person.... excuse me you think too much of yourself, so every morning get up and say... you're not good enough, you're not smart enough.

i'm going to shatter the mirror.

ok,

So in the last two months there has been a lot of changes in my life.

I quit smoking, 6 weeks in now.

i started a crazy work out regiment. 54 days now

and the whole time i keep coming back to practice and how we can be going down paths that are either good for us or bad for us.

Its so true, the things we practice, are the things we become. If you get angry often, you will find it easier and easier to get angry at things. the more you do it, the better you become at it. it really works that way for everything, working out, quitting a habit, an emotional response.

if you put a person down because you are angry, you will find it easier to do in the future, and you will find your words get harsher

if you practice saying things of a racist nature, you will find it easier to do.

whatever you practice you will become

which is such a wonderful thing, because we can practice whatever we like.

its not easy. the first 2 weeks i worked out, i wanted to die. i shredded every muscle in my body past immediate repair, i took my lungs to the brink of their abilities. but as i went on it became easier. every attempt i made, it got a bit easier. even though i wasnt in shape, even though, i had smoked for 17 years, every time, i improved

being nice to people is he same way.

so is forgiveness

so is grace

so is practicing all of the beautiful things in life.

If you're not used to forgiving it can be difficult, but the more you do it the better you can get

if you're used to blowing up over something, every time you choose not to, you get better at not.

somewhere, inside, there is inspiration in that.

find it

be the person you want to be

Its been a while since i updated. Busy busy i guess. It's been an interesting time for me.

I quit smoking. Going on 6 weeks now. Its been great.

In addition to that, i started the p90x work out program. Wow, talk about intense. im on day 54. 54 days in a row i've worked out for over an hour a day. I'm going to day 90 without missing a day. ok, actually i'm going to day 92, (i missed 2 days because i was sick). i might even run the program again after i get done with it the first time.

In addition to that i've been working on a website, starting a blog for the site, and a bunch of social media links for it.

found a new guitar i want and am trying to sell 2 guitars and a bass so i can afford it.

hmmm anything else? no, no i think thats about it really. oh aside from the dealing with a short sale and a foreclosure lol.

so yea, i havent been around much lately.

it was kind of an interesting experiment with facebook. i told people to email me, instead of keeping up on fb together. i do think fb is good for keeping in tough with people. something about out of site out of mind comes in to play i guess, and with fb its nice because it keeps people in site. yes, total play on words

ahhh, so i will need a real post here soon.. maybe thats what i'll do now

Recently a scientific probe was released....

Dying is the number one cause of death in america.

But call now for the remedy. Only available while supplies last. Act quickly!

sigh. i've been listening to swine flu stuff all day.

If i wasnt courteous enough to watch my language i would be dropping expletives like no ones business.

I get so freakin tired of scare tactics, conspiracy theories, sensationalism, just the whole pile of steamy stuff.

I wonder when we'll hit the generation that hides in the corner, dooming humanity to extinction becuase we're too afraid to breed any more.

Oh and by the way. just a shout out to david letterman...

WAY TO GO

Good job on not being held captive by fear. Cant say i applaud what you did. but nice way of handling it.

Of all the things in life to discuss and think about, i think the best is life itself.

I think of a person with amnesia. It's kinda fascinating to me. All of the sudden someone has no idea who they are or how they got to where they are. Its the basic question it seems. Who am i? What am i doing here?

The questions seem to dull with age, but i dont think they should. As if we are ever capable of knowing who we really are, and what we are really doing here. I think we should constantly search. But it seems like a lot of people have been pulled away from digging the treasure of these questions to be trapped in the mundane life of watching tv.

I think life should be a frantic search, trying to piece it all together like an amnesia patient. Not growing comfortable with the small miracles like the wind against the skin, or the smell of a flower. Learning and growing. Why would we ever stop?

To Own a Dragon- Reflections on growing up without a father- Donald Miller

I like Miller's writing style as it is, but this book was just fantastic. I think he speaks for a fatherless generation.

Kids who grow up knowing their fathers have that identity. Its a known factor. Those without are always looking to fill that role and in different places.

His first father he freely admits was a dr who always wore bright sweaters, named... dr huxtable off the cosby show.

Whatever family situation youve grown up it, it's a fascinating read

I've never really thought much of myself. never considered myself very important. you could say it was my upbringing i guess. but it's not as if i'm upset. i dont place the blame for it on anyone. if there had to be a reason i am sure that would be one of the reasons those. it's just the way things have been and i've always accepted it.

the odd thing though, which i am trying to wrap my head around is this. you're reading this. well, i cant even assume that much, but the fact is i am writing this, on a public blog, public forum.

it holds in it some sort of arrogance, as if i feel that i have something worth being read. but i dont feel like that? but yet i write for it to be read?

maybe it's just insecurity. maybe i want to be someone that is worth reading, or someone that is worth something. but maybe i'm afraid to think its important, because i dont want to be tricked. i dont want to have the foot ball pulled away as i kick it and i go flying.

Honestly, that was a huge problem i had with God, and if i was being honest, maybe i still do.

I always felt like the minute i being to trust, its the minute i get let down. the minute i get hurt. and that God would just be like that too.

I felt like charlie brown and lucy and i kept running the same play over and over again.

I think more over i felt like adam in the garden, after the fall. hiding in the branches, worrying that maybe God isnt good. maybe He doesnt love me.

i dont really fully know what changed my mind or heart. ive met a lot of people that i trust.

I think grace plays a big role in to that too. knowing that given a long enough period of time, everyone will let me down, but knowing that it's not necessarily my expectations that are what is important, combined with the fact that i will let everyone down as well. and the only thing that i can hope is they grant me grace, as i will them.

the golden rule, treat others as you want to be treated.

i dont really think it's meant to be subjective. i dont think that it means, make someone a sandwich with light mayo cause that's what you'd like.

i think more of it speaks of mercy and grace. if someone comes before you seeking forgiveness, forgive, because if you were asking forgiveness, you would want it. if someone is seeking help, help, because if you were asking you would want it. treat others how you would want to be treated (in the situation they are in).

sigh. my words seem so pointless.

i wish i were a poet. but i dont even think they can capture the beauty of one heart reaching out towards another. love, mercy, understanding, kindness. the more that i practice them the more i want them, the more i am unsatisfied with anything else.

One of my favorite songs, very simple

The Lark Ascending Or (Perhaps More Accurately, I'm Trying To Make You Sing)

And I'm trying to make you sing
From inside where you believe
Like it's something that you need
Like it means everything

And I'm trying to make you feel that
This is for real, that life is happening
That it means everything
I'm just trying to make you sing

Wow, that title is just nasty huh? It even felt a bit weird typing it out.

Hate is just such a weird thing.

I was having a wonderful discussion this morning with someone and we were discussing abortion. It pains me to think of the stereo type that has fallen on Christians. And it pains me even more that it is fitting a lot of times due to how they act.

I have literally heard Christians talk about those baby killin women and how they are going to go straight to hell. How they are just the scum of the earth.

I honestly cant help but think of the woman that was going to be stoned. I imagine Jesus walking through a crowd that has gathered, yelling and cursing at a woman who has had an abortion. I picture Him making His way through to the middle. Kneeling down next to her, asking her if she is ok. Whispering to her that it will be alright. Then standing up to the crowds and telling them phrase heard time and time again, whoever is without sin let him cast the first stone.

What of the parable of the person who had been forgiven, but yet refused to forgive?

these things just seem to all come rushing in.

A lot of times when i speak up for someone who has had an abortion i get put down. or i'm accused of being too soft, or too forgiving. That Gods righteous judgement will fall on these people. Sometimes i really think that the people who are saying these things are actually awaiting the grounds to tear open as they say it.

Seems to me Gods righteous judgement has already been passed.

Maybe God made things too simple? Because we seem to need them to be complicated. or maybe it's just in our fallen nature to complicate things.

but here is what doesnt make sense. and i'll try to put this in some sort of equation .

A= woman who has sinned

B= telling her that she is trash

C= salvation and forgiveness of sins.

a+b just doesnt seem to add up to c

actually, most people i know will not go to where they are not wanted. think about it. would you want to go somewhere that you knew people disliked you? ok maybe you like to cause trouble, but even if you went just to cause trouble it wouldnt mean you wanted to spend time there. to recharge there.

this makes a little more sense to me

a= sinful people

b= loving relationships

c= salvation and forgiveness of sins

a+b=c

It seems to me there are a couple different thought patterns here. Let me use boats to illustrate this.

with 1 thought group, you have 2 different boats. you have the people who have accepted Christ in one boat. and those who havent in another. Now some people from the boat who have accepted Christ... they have no idea how they got there. they are just there. and if you asked them, they would just tell you, the people on the other boat are screwed. there is no way to switch boats. which develops a superiority mindset.

these are the people that you hear trashing non believers. that have no love for others. that believe they are a select few that somehow got on the right boat and well, you're not. (truth be told they would probably enjoy kicking people off their boat as well)

unfortunately i see people like this. i know people like this. and the more time passes it seems the more they grow. these boats dont have to just be religious either. they can be political, or anything else really. its an us vs. them mentality

I like a different view. And it think this is what Jesus would have drawn us.

i think we're on in the same boat (i have been just dying to say that)

I think there is 1 deck to our boat, we're all on the same floor plan. i think that some people are lost inside the rooms, while other people are outside sunning, swimming, playing music, theres just a big party going on. With a master MC who is utterly excited about the party. and every time someone comes outside from being lost inside, everyone screams and shouts and the party just starts bumpin more. There are people holding the doors open, there are people shouting in to other people "come to the party! you're invited!" Theres even an urgency because if the people havent found the outside by the time the ride is over, they will be trapped inside forever.

I dont know, its saturday, i'm bored, my mind wanders

but lets get rid of the negative things. lets get rid of chasing people away.

It's been an interesting couple weeks. I feel like i've been surrounded by dirty things, things that are hard to scrub off, arrogance, bitterness, compassionless people.

A friend of mine once told me i just like to argue. maybe that is the case. I seem to be good at it a lot of the time. but maybe it is that i just like to stick up for the other side, often i'll take the opposing side in a debate even though i understand what the person i am debating with is saying. i try to wrap my mind around whatever i can. and usually i can find i can relate in some way or another, or at least try to put myself in someone elses shoes a bit.

This week i got to listen to someone tell me about kids that play basketball in the street, on a dead end street. how terrible they are because they dont move right away and use foul language, and above and beyond, that these kids parents (even though it is unknown who they are) are bad parents and bad people.

now i'm going to estimate 6 kids here, and lets say all of them are from single parent homes, so lets say 6 parents. without any actual knowledge of the parents. and no more knowledge of the kids than they play basketball in the street, and dont move quick enough when a car is coming, and use foul language, 12 people were written off completely, bad people, people that are somehow less.

a step further, i heard someone speak ill of the poor, because they are abusing free cell phones for emergency situations.

a step further, i heard someone continually bash a political party that was opposite of the party they "belong" to. writing off an entire group of people as, stupid, bad people, heartless, and many other negative words.

Negative words make me sad. i think they are infectious. poisonous. i think that they some how speckle us, and if used often enough they envelop us and destroy the good words.

it is nothing less than arrogant to lower a group of people to a state that is less than. the fact of the matter is i am the one who plays basketball in the street (and so are you), i am the poor person (and so are you), i am the person with different political viewpoints (and so are you). at some point in my life and in some point in your life, we've been on the "other side". we've been the ones crying for mercy instead of justice. we've been the ones that have acted foolish, we've been the ones that have behaved selfishly.

i've often heard the term, bleeding heart (i am not associating it with a political party, even though that is where i believe it is mainly heard. i dont stand firm with either party), but what better thing could there be than a bleeding heart. compassion is moving.

if we fought fire with fire we would watch the whole world burn.

if we do nothing but hate, we become hate, and just find new reasons to hate.

i dont think we were ever meant for it. i dont think that we were ever meant for those things.

maybe i'm an idealist. maybe. but then again, if nothing means anything, why would we even be able to have ideals in the first place?

i think that's why i am so drawn to Christ. who he was really resonates in me.

to take a woman who was condemned and say no shes not

to get angry with arrogance

to appreciate those who are considered less than

to be compassionate in the face of persecution.

to be accepting of what life brings.

i cant help but thinking He was patient with the people He was dealing with, as like dealing with children. and i also cant help but thinking....

the people we run in to that "aggravate" us, what if we were patient with them, like we would be patient with our own children.

what if we were patient with the kids playing basketball in the street. what if we hoped for them instead of condemn them

what if we understood the poor, gave to them, not because they are less, but because we are equals and we know we would hope someone would help us in desperate times

what if we sought common ground in political parties, instead of exasperating the differences.

maybe i'm just an idealist

maybe i just like to argue

maybe i'm just an under dog fighting for whats right

maybe i just want to shower the speckles off

or maybe i'm just not busy at work today

As i sit here on a saturday reading and drinking coffee, i read something that immediately made me tear up, and then came the long slow familiar feeling of a tear gently rolling down my cheek.

It is in this exact moment i think of resonance. I read something that reverberated with my soul deep inside. something that caused such an immediate response from my body. There wasnt time to think of it, there was only time to feel it's immediate effect on me. And outpouring of emotion, but i dont think emotion would be right, i think it would more be just an outpouring of "being" so to speak.

These seem to be hidden all over the place. I can only imagine from my own experience that every has these things that resonate in them. And again my experience would tell me that these things probably differ in every person.

One of my favorite quotes, and what i use on my work email is...

"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love how eloquently and yet bluntly that Emerson points out the fact that our secret desires of our hearts can not hide from the world, and that they will become known. Like a prisoner plotting his escape, the deep recesses of our hearts will come out and expose themselves, if for only the joy of doing so.

Anyway, back to the things that resonate, or move us, or whatever you will. I imagine every language and every culture has a word for it. I like resonate. It stirs up images to me. But also as experience has taught me, i'm sure there are much more beautiful and impacting words that go in to much more detail with much more imagery.

I cant help but wonder if the things that resonate with us are somehow diving rods or compasses to the direction we are heading in, or even more so, clues to who we are or warning signs for what is down the rode for us lest we choose not to worship something different.

I find myself so curious as to what resonates in other people, what brings instant joy or sorrow, strength or weakness, hope or despair. i cant remember for sure but i think there was some marketing campaign that used the slogan "what moves you", i'm sure it happened, marketing has used just about every good and bad trait of humanity to sell products, so it wouldnt surprise me.

i want to make sure that the things that move me and the things that resonate in my heart, are the things that time has shown to matter. Dare i say the important things? Not to label someone elses "things" as unimportant. More of, i know what i consider important, and i know what i want to worship, and i want to make sure that the things that resonate with me are clues to the things i find important and want to worship.

as the add says, what moves you?

I looked the other day

To see if you were anywhere

I couldnt find you

I want to find you

It seems I lost my way

Day runs into day

I still cant find you

I want to find you


And all I see around me

Is nothing I want to be

Im stuck inside myself

And cant see anything else


I’m screaming and fighting

All is so frightening

I cant do this on my own


If all I can be

Is all that I am

Then let me cease to be


This is the end of me

Pick me up where I be

I’m all alone

Everyone knows how strong a steel bar is, everyone has been hit by a drop of rain. I tell you this, there is a drop of rain out there powerful enough to shatter a steel bar. A drop of rain that finds the most infinite weakness in the steel bar, falling from 10,000 feet where it was birthed the rain drop will fall and fall until the steel is in just the right position for the drop to hit it just right, in that one spot, that only that drop of rain could hit. Then my friends, you will see, that bar of steel was just a weak thing being held together by its own strength, that it had great weakness all along, it just had to be unlocked. Then it is just to be judged, is it the saddest thing to see something so powerful brought down by something so small, or so amazing that something so small brought down something so strong, or maybe just a bit of both.

Wiliam Bochkay

THE TENT: Watson and Holmes Go Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.

At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions of stars."

Holmes asks, "And, what does that tell you?"

Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes retorts, "Someone stole our tent."

I love this joke. It points out that sometimes things are just so freaking simple and if we can only do away with our desire to complicate them, we can see what is right in front of us, or what is missing...

Maybe this will make sense to you, maybe not. on the subject of Calvinism & Arminianism

To complicate matters completely i say they both must be accurate, to some extent.

We know that if God is eternal then He is outside of time.

He knows the beginning middle and the end

Therefore everything that is to be done is done

our choices are already made by us

since we've already chosen what we will do, there is only one thing we can do.

we can not, not do what we are to do

therefore we dont have any choices because they have already been made

we are the ones who made the choices

so we had the free will in doing such things, even though there is only 1 thing we can do, which is what we will do

God has ultimate control in allowing whatever occurs to occur. If we do not take one breathe without His allowing it, then all of our actions are allowed by God.

by not knowing the future we have no clue of what our "choices" will be, nor what the circumstances will be drawing us to those "choices"

it is our ignorance of the future that gives us our free will

So we have both free will and pre destination at the same time

they coexist together and must coexist together

it's simple right?

Lesson on humility

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love



From Wikipedia

Humility, or being humble, is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. The opposite of humility is pride.

Humility is said to be the foundation of the spiritual edifice and inferior only to faith. However, humility is considered the first virtue inasmuch as it removes the obstacles to faith. It removes pride and makes a man subject to and a fit recipient of grace; according to the words of St. James, "God resisteth the proud, and giveth his grace to the humble

Definition from the free dictionary
ap•pre•ci•ate ( -pr sh - t )
v. ap•pre•ci•at•ed, ap•pre•ci•at•ing, ap•pre•ci•ates
v.tr.
1. To recognize the quality, significance, or magnitude of: appreciated their freedom.
2. To be fully aware of or sensitive to; realize: I appreciate your problems.
3. To be thankful or show gratitude for: I really appreciate your help.
4. To admire greatly; value.


Ok aside from reading a bunch of definitions, what does humility really mean and why is it important? Why must you break yourself. Break your self pride. Marvel in humility. Before the fall of man, everything was God focused. What did God desire. After the fall we see that man had become self focused. Selfish motivations and desires. What do I want, not what does God want. It is often this sense of self that causes us to sin. But aside from that. Embracing humility is the only way to fully understand appreciation. Once you fully grasp that you deserve nothing. That you can do nothing to deserve anything. Then you can fully learn to appreciate everything in your life. To understand that God provides for every moment of your life. That His hand is in it. strip your pride off and throw it out. no one can stand up to God and say “you owe me this”. so if no one can do that then we need to submit to Him and completely humble ourselves. You do not deserve the life you have. You do not deserve the car you drive. You do not deserve the spouse you have. There is nothing so special of you that you are more important than a bum on the street. There is nothing that you have done to earn a life any better than a starving child be it in this country or in another country. Everything you have is a blessing. Once you grasp this you can learn appreciation. You can wipe away griping being stuck in traffic, you can wipe away a relationship that ended, you can wipe away the things that you think are not fair. And start to look at life through the perspective of being grateful for the things you have. The big things are fine. But how about the small things. The fact that you were able to enjoy ¼ of the superbowl before your cable went out. the fact that you were able to spend 6 months with someone you loved. It ended but the 6 months were great. You can appreciate that even though you cant drive a audi r8, you can drive period. Then we can truly learn to praise God for the things we have. Then we can learn to truly be thankful. When was the last time you stopped to thank God for a breath that you take. Or for being allowed to live in a moment that is painful. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to enjoy the pain, but still to enjoy the fact that you have life, and pain is just another indication that you are alive.

Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 15:33
The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.

Proverbs 18:12
Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.

Proverbs 22:4
Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life.

Zephaniah 2:3
Seek the LORD, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seekhumility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the LORD's anger.

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Philippians 2:2-4 (in Context) Philippians 2 (Whole Chapter)

Leviticus 26:19
I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.

2 Kings 19:22
Who is it you have insulted and blasphemed? Against whom have you raised your voice and lifted your eyes inpride? Against the Holy One of Israel!

2 Chronicles 26:16
But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall. He was unfaithful to the LORD his God, and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense.

It tastes perfect…

There is a story I once heard from a friend who heard it from somewhere. What I mean to say is that I have no idea where it comes from, but I know this, it is a good story and illustrates a good point. Once there were 3 people sitting around and decided to drink some wine. They poured the wine and they each took sips. The first one said, this wine is terrible. I’ve never had something so bad. The second tasted the wine and agreed saying that there was something wrong with it. the third smelled, sipped, and tasted. He said it is perfect. The two looked at him with astonishment, saying, how could you think this is perfect. The third gently turned and said this is not wine, it is vinegar. And as vinegar goes it is perfect.

He understood that although they had meant to drink wine, what they turned out to have was vinegar. And that it was not a wine that they were tasting, it was vinegar. What would our life look like if we looked at our situations a bit differently. Instead of thinking of situations as bad, we can look at them for what they are. They are different situations totally. If we removed our expectations. If we didn’t see ourselves as failing, but learning, if saw opportunity, if we saw things in a different perspective. Totally removing expectations of events and savoring moments whether they be wine or vinegar.

Taste the apple.


Practice grace, kindness, love, being just, practice the things of God. Practice them every day that you can. Know them inside out. learn how they feel and become them. Swim in them, experience them. We must continue to grow. We must not stop. We must continue to mature while not getting old at the same time. We need to learn all of these things on an experiential level. To know what they would feel like to the touch, to be able to recognize them from sight, to feel them as they occur. If we do not do these things then we miss out on so much of God. We do not get to know Him as intimately as we could. If I could tell you what particles go together to make an apple. Even tell you that the apple is sweet and crunchy, while remaining a medium density, that when you bite into it the juices might run down your chin in a sticky sweetness. If I’ve never had an apple I would miss out on so much more of what the apple is. Knowledge is wonderful, it’s beautiful. It dances around us and gives us substance while at the same time providing us information for dreams. But experience puts color into the dream. It enriches it like knowledge cant. Practice these things with all of your heart.

know what it’s like to show mercy
let yourself receive mercy
know what it’s like to give grace
let yourself receive the grace of others
know what it’s like to love
let yourself be loved

Understand that God is all these things. Grow to know God more and more.

I heard someway say onetime that they would rather be an open sinner than a false saint.  How about that.  On one side you have someone yearning to be true to who they are, that they don't want to live out a lie.  On the other side you have to admit that you sin.